Large, mature tress outline and hide away the marching band with their lush, green leaves. Rows and rows of students and coaches fill the field like soldiers marching into battle. They play their instruments in sweet harmony to create traditional music along with current hits of today. Their instruments glow in the light of the hot sun. Everyday it seems that they are out their practicing hours upon hours during the day and sometimes even in the night. Their hard work shows as bead of sweat drop down their faces and the sweat covers their shirts, while most of the drummers aren’t even wearing shirts. The band director is shouting out orders as the band members listen as if it were life or death.
Advertisement
Remember that “thick description” is about vivid and descriptive language. In your example, I think that there is a lot more detail that you can add:
-what do “mature” trees look like? As opposed to what? how do you know that they are mature? are they thicker than younger trees? have more leaves? less?
-What do these students look like? While you say “soldiers”, that is still vague. Spend time either describing them as a group or at least point to a few descriptions of individuals.
-what does “sweet harmony” sound like?
For all of these examples, if you use all of your senses to describe a specific place, thing, person, etc., then you will find that the reader will be able to place themselves into your narrative.